Sometimes you just don't want to do any writing.
And it feels wrong. Like you're betraying your characters and your story and your dream and yourself by giving in to the desire to do no writing.
I'm here right now.
Partly because I just moved and nothing really makes sense. Partly because I'm swamped with things that have to be done. Partly because I'm not really sure if this subplot of my book is supposed to be there or not supposed to be there and do I take it out or leave it in? Because one requires A LOT more work than the other and can't I just quit starting over?
But really those things aren't the reason either.
The reason is that I am tired. I am tired...of waiting, of trying, of failing, of watching others, of loving/wanting this thing that may never happen for me.
And sometimes, those feelings, they affect how well you write. Or if you even can write.
It feels wrong, to feel those things, to wonder about things that I have built my life around. But sometimes, part of the process is questioning yourself. Part of the process is also testing yourself. And part of the process is success and other parts failure and other parts...pausing.
Sometimes, you just need to. And I hate it. I really do. But maybe it's only in pausing, in not writing for a week or two, that I discover just how much I *really* need to write. Maybe in pausing I can figure out that weird piece of the subplot and decide what's best for the story. Maybe doing that will rebuild some confidence and make me want to write fervently again.
This isn't a post to whine or anything. I'm not whining. I'm just in the pause mode. And this is a weird/scary place to be, but sometimes, you need to take a step away from your story in order to figure out the issues with the book and with yourself. I've learned that they are usually related. Maybe to figure out one answer, you need to figure out both.
Don't be scared to pause if you need to. Sometimes you have to.